Rocks carry a great deal of symbolism for Anne Carleton, an orthopedic technician at Kaiser Permanente’s Westside Medical Center in Hillsboro.
When you toss one in the water, it creates ripples. Carleton knows this well.
After the sudden and unexpected death of her 15-year-old son, Hayden, in 2011, she was prompted to start a campaign in his name — Hayden Rocks Kindness, a volunteer rock-painting effort to raise awareness for organ donation.
Hayden was himself an organ donor, which he signed up for when he qualified for his Oregon driver’s permit just eight months before his death. His decision to put the little letter “D” on his permit ended up saving seven lives.
“It’s all about kindness, in honor of a really kind human,” Carleton said of the campaign, which reached its apex this month, as April is Organ Donor Awareness Month. “This whole project just makes sense to me, being Hayden’s mom.”
But where did the idea start? And how could the tragic death of her only child possibly lead to something positive?
It started at Rock Creek
In 2011, Carleton was out running with Hayden and their new puppy along a trail in Rock Creek, when her child suddenly collapsed. As a medical professional, Carleton immediately began performing CPR on Hayden while dialing an emergency dispatcher.
“I did CPR for right around 12 minutes,” she said. “It was horrendous. He didn’t make it.”
There was nothing that could be done.
Hayden was likely gone before he hit the ground, a result of a fast-acting pulmonary embolism. Carleton never did get a clear answer as to what caused the fatal blood clot, but the autopsy confirmed it started in his calf.
An answer wouldn’t bring Hayden back, and speculation won’t either.
But Carleton said this moment has intersected with so many others. Not only has it sparked the Hayden Kindness Rocks campaign, it has also given her lasting friendships and human connections — including with the emergency dispatcher she talked to over the phone as her son’s life was extinguished far too soon.
Hayden wasn’t done talking to her or inspiring others.
‘Rock on and be kind’
Many years later, Carleton was going through a couple boxes of Hayden’s possessions. She found two rocks she had painted with him when he was younger.
Hayden loved running around Oregon campgrounds in search of rocks to paint and gift to the campground hosts — a physical incarnation of his life’s mission to “rock on and be kind.”
The memory didn’t just bring a smile to Carleton’s face, it brought a new purpose to her life. She swears she heard Hayden’s voice loud and clear as she looked down at those rocks: “Share my passions and share my gift. Don’t worry, mom.”
Carleton thought about how Hayden, after passing his driver’s permit test just eight months before his death, opted to become an organ donor.
Because of that decision, Hayden gave two people the gift of sight — his right eye went to a 64-year-old man, and his left eye went to a 22-year-old man. Other donations of his tissue helped five others during lifesaving surgeries.
An idea began to form for how Carleton could take Hayden’s simple act of rock painting and combine it with the larger significance of his death.
With help from her colleagues at Kaiser Permanente, the Kindness Rocks campaign has formed connections with organizations like Vision Gift and Donate Life Northwest, which help get donations like Hayden’s to the people who need them.
“According to Vision Gift, it’s rare to have two successful cornea transplants,” Carleton said. “A total of seven people were impacted by his gifts.”
Carleton and dozens of volunteers all adorn the stones with messages of positivity and reminders that donating organs can save lives.
They are given away, with the sole purpose of spreading a smile for those who are grappling with grief of their own.
The ripple effect
In the first year of the Hayden Kindness Rocks campaign, Carleton and coworkers, their families and friends, and others who have been inspired by Hayden’s story painted and gave away about 1,500 rocks.
This year, it ballooned to 3,200. It took two weeks to stage everything in the Westside Medical Center’s rotunda ahead of National Donor Day on Feb. 14, 2023. More than 150 people came into the “rock room” to take one or learn more.
Many of the rocks also find their way into small “rock houses” outside Carleton’s own home. The stones reach whoever may need them.
“We were able to leave knowing that we inspired 3,200 smiles throughout the hospital,” Carleton said.
One woman who took a rock from the hospital later reached out to Carleton on Facebook to say she had just received a terminal diagnosis that day. The campaign deeply moved her.
“She called to say, ‘You have no idea what this rock means to me,’” Carleton said, picturing a younger Hayden smiling and bounding around in search of the perfect rock to paint.
“Every rock reminds me of that energetic run around the corner,” she added.
Carleton said she’s given rocks and handwritten letters to all the people Hayden saved from his donations. The recipients are anonymous until they choose otherwise, so Carleton is still waiting to hear back on whether she will ever get to meet them.
“I would love to look into his eyes again,” she said, referring to the chance to meet the two people who ended up getting Hayden’s Vision Gifts. “If it is to be, Hayden will let it happen. It’s up to him.”
Building connections
Despite losing her only child, Carleton stays positive about what she’s gained because of the life he led. The donor day events aren’t the only ways Hayden’s death has formed new connections in her life.
Months after Hayden’s death, Carleton met the emergency dispatcher who spoke to her on the phone while she attempted to save his life.
Carleton was responding to a Facebook Marketplace ad for a bed while in the process of moving from Cornelius to Forest Grove.
Hayden’s story came up while she was taking the bed off of its owners hands, which prompted the former owner to tell Carleton that she was the one on the other side of the phone line.
“She wanted me to know that I did everything I could,” Carleton said.
The dispatcher, who requested to remain anonymous, said Hayden’s story will forever be a part of her. This formed a lasting friendship.
“We shared a very grim moment that has turned into … 10 years down the road and we’re still in each other’s lives,” Carleton added.
Then there are all the colleagues and friends who have helped Carleton make the donation awareness campaign reach new heights — quite literally.
Her direct supervisor at Kaiser Permanente, Mark Mott, climbed Mt. Hood this week and took one of Hayden’s rocks, along with a Donate Life Northwest Flag, to the summit of Hayden’s favorite place to snowboard (they were not left behind, as this would be littering).
She said the act of kindness brought her tears and that she was incredibly touched.
“What’s important to you is what’s important to me,” Mott told Carleton.
It’s just the latest example of what Carleton has come to realize is the enduring power of Hayden’s legacy.
“Kaiser is my employer, but they’re also a huge family to me,” she said. “I got that job 18 months after he died. Instantly, I had a huge family … and doing the work at Kaiser is very heartwarming to me.”
Signs of kindness
Hayden’s influence on Carleton’s life — and the lives of others — seems only to keep growing.
Carleton said the outpouring of support for the campaign Hayden inspired has made her see the ripple effect of how one action leads to others.
The “rock houses” she keeps around on her own property have inspired others to do similar rock-painting campaigns.
Sheri Russell, a former Kaiser employee herself, has her own Rock Kindness House at the American Legion Post 2 building in Forest Grove. People can take a rock or leave a rock to raise awareness for the issue of veteran suicide.
Carleton keeps Hayden’s photo, and many of the hand-painted rocks he inspired, on her mantle at home. She still has that bed that came from a woman who laid down to sleep on it the same night her son died.
All these acts of kindness and the signs that remain in their wake remind her of Hayden’s warmth and generosity, keeping his memory alive through the love that’s spread in his name or as a result of his gifts.
“Death is death, but the love is eternal,” Carleton said. “I get signs all the time that (Hayden) is still here. Even though he’s gone, he’s still here.”
